This fic follows Otto in a non-band college-age AU and includes: Trans Awsten; Abortion; Overcoming Codependency; Brief Misgendering, on the part of Awsten's parents; Implied Sexual Content
“Why are you still here?”
“Because you’re worth it, Awsten,” Otto responds, “You’re worth my time.”
“I’m fine though. I don’t get why you insist on staying.”
Awsten is not fine and Otto knows that damn well. He’s not going to bother arguing with him, though. He doesn’t have the energy to fight with a fucking wall today, and that’s all Awsten ever is when he’s in a mood like this.
“Look, all I’m saying is you could have, I don’t know, done something more productive? Or fun? This place is right next to, like, all the best places in town. I only needed you to drive me, okay? I can just take the bus back after but-”
“Awsten, I’m not going to leave you to sit in an abortion clinic waiting room alone. I’ll take you home after. I want to make sure you’re ok,” Otto said, doing his best to leave no room for Awsten to continue fighting with him about it.
Awsten just let out a breath and the silence of the room returned. It was almost suffocating, entirely stale and bland. Sitting across from them there was a girl who couldn’t have been more than 14 who looked like she was going to puke from nerves. Awsten didn't seem to be doing much better.
“Austyn?” The almost shrill voice of a little old lady in scrubs calls from the hallway. The tiny window party up the door doesn’t even show her face so he has to open it a crack anyways. Her hair is tied back into a tight gray-and-blonde bun and the wrinkles around her eyes speak to years and years of happiness.
Otto nods at him and lightly pushes him towards the door. There’s a sign on it stating in bright red letters that only one person is allowed back with a patient, and they have to be a legal family member.
“Your girlfriend should be out in just about half an hour, sir, then you can get her home!” The nurse says cheerfully. She sounds tired, but there’s an enthusiasm about her that makes it so Otto can’t even cringe at the entirely misguided sentiment. Awsten’s lips curl into a thin line but he follows her back into the thin hallway without complaint.
Otto does his best to relax despite the uncomfortable chair. It’s times like these he’s a little sad he doesn’t have any social media to scroll through endlessly like everyone else in the waiting room is doing.
Everyone else has either blank stares or looks mildly annoyed, though, so maybe he’s not all that sad.
Time seems to pass unbearably slowly. Every time he looks up at the clock it seems to be moving at the pace of a snail. He ends up playing flow free and then he gets bored and just kind of stares at his shoes for a while.
It takes forty minutes before Awsten it back out. He stands still at the door for a moment, looking around the waiting room until Otto manages to catch his eye.
“So. My house, or yours?” He asks as they walk out of the building and down the stone steps.
There’s a small crowd of people with angry signs right across the street, and they get stupid excited as soon as they see anyone leaving the clinic. Otto pulls Awsten into his side and with a combination of Awsten’s horrible posture and sheer determination he’s mostly hidden.
“Uhm. Yours. I don’t. I don’t want to have to talk to my parents right now, I’ll just say I’m staying with you after the mall, I don’t know,” Awsten answers as they pile into Otto’s shitty old pickup.
“You really didn’t tell them?”
“Fuck no. My dad would have had an aneurysm, are you serious? Besides, I’m, like, totally fucking legally entitled to keep this shit to myself. And my bank account. Me and my suffering, suffering bank account.” Awsten piles on the drama by placing the back of his hand over his forehead and swooning over, just about hitting the clutch in his goal of resting his head on Otto’s shoulder.
A look of discomfort took place on his face a moment later and he straightened right back up.
“Shit, oh fuck. Okay, yeah, got it. Don’t bend over like that right after a baby gets pulled out of your cervix. Good to know!” Otto just smiles as he takes another left right onto his street. It’s an old dirt road and the bumps make Awsten grimace a little, so Otto does his best to make the drive smoother than he’d normally care enough to.
Awsten looks weirdly small next to Geoff, despite being tall enough compared to Otto that it really isn't a fair comparison for him of all people to make. It's just a surprise, mostly, because of how used to being the tiny one Otto is.
Of course all it means if Awsten is smaller than someone is that Otto is way, way smaller than them.
It's still odd though, because Awsten's usual type for so long was girls girls girls. Bleach blonde, swimsuit bodies, a couple inches shorter than him and clean shaven. Basically, someone who would put up with his stupid ass overly-complicated Starbucks order every morning and who wouldn't complain about how much he was on his phone.
Geoff isn't like that. He's taller than him, he's kind of boxy but not in an unpleasant way, his hair is mid-brown and straight, not the wavy sort Awsten usually goes for. And there's also the fact he's a guy. And there's also the fact Otto has to sit with the knowledge they had to do it enough times for the condom to fail once and for Awsten to get knocked the fuck up.
He keeps it to himself. He's pretty good at keeping things to himself, these days.
"So, we were thinking maybe some pizza and Mario Kart. How's that sound? Hey. Ooooottttoooo. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey!" Awsten's annoying ass voice breaks into the crowded din of Otto's thoughts.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure. That sounds cool," He answers, blinking out of his haze. Geoff gives him a weird look out of the corner of his eyes, prompting Otto to very pointedly look at his phone. As if there's anything interesting going on there.
"Fuck yes. I'll go order some. Hey, Geoff, my games are up on the shelf to your right. Grab whatever, I don't care." Awsten's grin is practically audible as he talks and the door squeaks closed behind him as he runs down to the landline. His mom had grounded him for something-or-other just like pretty much always, so no smartphone for him.
"Hey uhm. Otto, right?" Geoff asks it despite there being absolutely no reason to, they'd been pretty thoroughly introduced just a few minutes ago.
"Yeah?" Otto says, doing his damnedest to be a nice, polite dude. Not too nice, though. He's still really not sure if this guy deserves it.
"So. Uh. This is gonna sound weird. Is Awsten okay? Because he's just seemed off to me for a couple weeks and I know you and him are like... best friends. He won't tell me what's up and I'm just a little worried, you know?"
"Yeah. He's got a lot on his plate, that's all. He'll be fine, he's good at bouncing back on his own," Otto lies through his teeth. He will be fine, but that's only because he always has been so far. That's only because Otto has always been there to pick him back up.
That's only because when he gets knocked up, instead of going to the baby daddy he goes to Otto.
Awsten slips back in a moment later but as he goes to shut the door his dad's voice calls up the stairs, "Don't close that door Austyn! And no funny business either, I know what girls your age do!" And Awsten stops dead in his tracks.
He cringes back a little, but he does what his dad asked him to. The door stays open a few inches. Geoff looks more uncomfortable than Awsten does, really. Otto is reminded that he probably hasn't heard that kind of exchange nearly as many times as he has.
He's been hearing it since grade school, since they were so attached at the hip during church camp the counselors had to physically pull them to the opposite sides of the cabin. He's been hearing it since Awsten asked him to spell his name differently and told him that he wasn't really a girl.
That made it much, much more noticeable. All those little things people did to pull them apart based on Otto "being a guy" became so much more obvious to him once they figured out together that Awsten was one too, but that was okay because they could stick together through it. As long as they were there together, anything could be okay.
The movie theater was crowded and sticky and dark and all Otto wanted to do was leave. But he wasn't going to, because he was a good friend and he didn't feel like leaving Jawn alone to third-wheel the lovebirds a seat over.
The movie was shitty on top of it, just a boring excuse for gore. If it was at his house, on his couch, where Awsten could loudly make fun of it, it would have been great. But here it just kinda... sucked. Like, really, really sucked.
He was tired on top of it, he'd spent all day mopping up after a couple of assholes had "accidentally" spilled several bottles of soap all over the aisle at Kroger. Seriously, fuck those guys.
The movie finished with only the smallest scattering of commotion. Awsten whooped at the top of his lungs and burst out clapping. The two reactions it elicited were laughing from an older couple and many, many dirty looks from all the normal people.
The sunset as they left the theater made spots dance in Otto's vision so much that finding his truck became a task of nearly impossible measures. Jawn was the first to recover from it but Awsten was still squinting into the parking lot and holding onto Geoff's hand for dear life long after he should have been.
Soon enough they were all piled into Otto's pickup, windows rolled down and A/C on full blast to combat the heat of the parking lot that had seeped into the cab. Jawn called shotgun a millisecond before Awsten did, and he was bragging about how "nice and cool" it was before the air circulated to the other seats.
"So, where to?" Otto asked as he pulled his seat-belt on.
"Arcade?" Geoff offers.
"No, no, dude, we gotta get pizza. It's like, totally the thing to do," Jawn counters.
"Fuck no! Fro-yo is way better right now, are you serious?" Awsten chimes in.
"Okay, then... maybe like... I don't know, the mall? It's got all of those, right?" Geoff says. He obviously does not yet know that when Jawn and Awsten get going on Fro-yo Vs. Pizza, they won't stop no matter what reasonable middle ground someone else gives.
So Otto just ignores them and drives where he knew he would all along. They go back and forth for the entire trip, echoing reasons Otto has been hearing for months now.
He gets to Jawn's house and without hesitating follows both Awsten and Jawn into the house. Geoff trails after them, somewhat confused but willing to tag along.
Jawn's parents aren't home this weekend, meaning that's their hangout spot for the next 48 hours. It's tradition by this point. Every time their parents are out of town the three four of them stay at that person's place.
None of them like being home enough to want to be there that much, so the escape is nice. Geoff can stay or he can go. It doesn't matter much either way to Otto. At least, that's what he keeps telling himself.
Otto stops at the kitchen and grabs as many snacks as he can hold from the cupboards. When he turns around Geoff is standing in the hallway looking nervously from him to the stairs where the other two disappeared.
He pauses for a second. Geoff looks like nothing more than a lost puppy, all doe-eyes and quiet anxiety. For a second Otto understands why Awsten loves him so much. Just a second though. Then he's back to seeing Geoff for what he is: a stupid fucking boy who's going to break Awsten's heart same as every other person he's dated.
And Otto will be the one picking up the pieces.
As long as that's a fact, he can't let himself really care about Geoff. Awsten is his priority, and maybe some would say he's weirdly co-dependent, but that's just because they don't understand what they've been through together.
Otto would've died a million times over without Awsten always by his side: almost drowning in the lake at camp when the counselors had forgotten about him; his parents kicking him out of the house after he came out, not letting him come home for weeks; concussions; broken arms; and climbing too high in trees that weren't nearly sturdy enough for it.
So he ignores the twinge of care in his chest that pops up for Geoff, the urge to pull him into a hug and tell him he hopes for the best. Because he doesn't, not really.
Jawn's shower is almost scalding hot but Otto can't handle anything cooler right now. He deserves it, the reddening in his skin and the pruning of his fingers. His lips tingle when he brushes his fingers over them.
He swallows down his shame. He pulls himself off of the shower floor slowly. The water is even hotter up there. His legs hurt. He wants to sit back down. He doesn't.
He uses the shampoo Jawn has sitting on the corner of the bathtub. It's sweet, apple and caramel and something else he can't quite pin. The conditioner has exactly the same scent. This kind of product always leaves his hair a little frizzy, drowns out the kinks and curls into a too-fluffy mess.
He uses it anyway. He scrubs himself down with the shea-butter body wash, runs it down his body and harshly into his skin until he's certain there's not a single speck of dust or dirt or uncleanliness that could have survived.
Otto turns the water all the way to cold. He instinctively jumps back from it but after a few moments he pushes himself back under the spray. It soothes the red tint on his skin, and it makes him a little more ready for leaving the bathroom.
He tucks a towel around his waist and doesn't bother with anything more. It's not anything the three boys in the bedroom across the hall haven't seen, after all. Not after last night.
He's quiet as he slips back into the room. He woke up first and the others were still asleep. Awsten is tangled up in Geoff, still naked. The sheet has shifted down his body in the mess of limbs, so his bare skin is catching the morning light drifting in from the window in a way that makes Otto's heart flutter with interest. And his dick, for that matter.
Jawn is stretched out, piled next to Geoff and half on top of him. The three of them barely fit on the bed together and Otto guesses it's a good thing he got up when he did so no one fell off.
Jawn is waking up slowly but surely, eyes trained on his phone. He glances up as the door clicks closed and smiles sleepily.
"Hey," He whispers.
"Hey yourself," Otto whispers back. He pulls off the towel as he walks over to Jawn's dresser. Rooting through it is almost second nature, he's spent so many nights staying over.
He finds the clothes that fit him best, the ones he always wears. He and Jawn are pretty much the same height but of different builds, and Jawn likes his shirts being the correct size. So Otto finds the biggest one he has, an old thrifted Led Zeppelin Tee that's still a little too small for him. Then a pair of boxers and some gray jogger pants he doesn't bother to tie, just letting them hang low on his hips.
Otto startles when he feels Jawn's arm hook around his midsection lightly.
"So," He starts, "I don't know how much of this was about me and how much of it was for Awsten. But I want you to know that what I said last night... I meant it."
"Are you sure? Because, look, you and Geoff were so out of it and-"
"Otto. I, sober Jawn, am telling you that I mean it. We can be a thing. All of us, if they want to. And if you want to, I mean." His arm is loose, just resting against Otto's waist while he talks. Otto forces himself to breathe normally.
"I would. I mean, I would be fine with it, I think. We can try it, if they're still up for it," Otto confirms. He leans back into Jawn and tangles their hands together.
There's almost a finality in the gesture. Otto hasn't let go of Awsten in so long he almost forgot how nice it was to hold someone else. But he's starting to realize that maybe he can hold more than one person at a time.