Dialoglog themed fic including: Post-Canon; Retcon Timeline; Nachos; Serious misunderstandings of sarcasm; Shenanigans.
DAVE: on a scale of one to ten how do you feel about nachos right now
KARKAT: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK KIND OF QUESTION IS *THAT*
DAVE: the important kind what other kind of question would it be everyone knows i only ever ask extremely important and relevant questions
KARKAT: THAT IS NOT AN IMPORTANT QUESTION. I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT A "NACHO" IS YOU SHITSPEWING DOUCHELORD
DAVE: oh my god
DAVE: how do you not know what nachos are
DAVE: nachos are a cheesy fucking delight
DAVE: nachos are the light of the lord dude
DAVE: jesus came down direct from heaven to give us nachos
DAVE: nachos are my lifeblood
DAVE: the cheese on those chips flows through my veins karkat
KARKAT: FUCKING FINE YOU ASSHOLE
KARKAT: SHOW ME THE NACHOS YOU INSOLENT PRICK
DAVE: thats why i was asking for a scale
DAVE: one to ten how much do you want them
KARKAT: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW LIKE A TWO
DAVE: dude thats so low how are you even alive i would hate to live deprived of nachos
DAVE: if you can even call that living
KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE OVERREACTING TO SOME CHEESE ON CHIPS HERE IDIOTSTICK
DAVE: oh no dude i am very much not
DAVE: that shit was my favorite growing up best thing 10/10 would live off of again
KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE THAT SHOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE QUALITY OF YOUR SHITTY ASS CHILDHOOD INSTEAD OF ABOUT THE FOOD
DAVE: no you dont understand nachos are the absolute food of gods
DAVE: and I am a god whether you are or not meaning that as my boyfriend you also get to eat the ambrosia of shitty fast food
DAVE: fuck this shit come on were going to the nearest gas station
DAVE: you need the full experience food poisoning and all
KARKAT: THIS SOUNDS MISERABLE
KARKAT: I HOPE TO GOD YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THIS
DAVE: what an asshole right
KARKAT: I MEAN HE WAS RIGHT I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BROKEN IT
DAVE: yeah but
DAVE: oh rose
DAVE: wait till you hear this
ROSE: Oh God what happened
DAVE: ok so me and karkat were walking around the fair looking for shit to do as one does
DAVE: got his second ever dose of nachos hell yeah
DAVE: so i take him to go to the pony rides because that is obviously the next experience he needs to have in the list of requirements to be my boyfriend
ROSE: Not the pony rides my God
DAVE: the exact same
DAVE: and when we get there
DAVE: you know what the guy running the stall says
ROSE: I couldn't guess, it must have been just awful
ROSE: If you need me to beat him up for you I'd be glad to
DAVE: i just might
DAVE: you know what he said
ROSE: I do not, in fact, know what he said
DAVE: rose do you know what he said
ROSE: I could never guess, Dave
KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO THE POINT YOU FREAKS
DAVE: he told me the pony rides were only for children
ROSE: That is incredibly rude and completely false
DAVE: i know right what a prick
KARKAT: WELL THATS ANOTHER TACO BELL THATS BANNED US FOR LIFE
DAVE: so rude and after my continued patronage
KANAYA: I Have To Say That They Had Good Reason
KANAYA: I Believe That Your
KANAYA: (Ahem)
KANAYA: Escapades
KANAYA: Would Be Against The Rules Anywhere
ROSE: Well of course everyone knows that rules are meant to be broken
KANAYA: I Do Believe That Rules Are Actually Created To Provide Order And Are In Fact Meant To Be Followed
ROSE: It's an old human saying about how when rules are created to keep someone from doing something it is all the more likely for them to do it, Dearest
DAVE: yeah that
DAVE: but it wasnt even that bad this time like come on
DAVE: i think the manager is just homophobic
DAVE: thats totally the reason he threw us out
ROSE: I'm sure
DAVE: it had nothing to do with what we were playing or what kitkat was yelling about
KARKAT: DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU SHIT EATING PIECE OF ASSTRAIN
DAVE: does that mean you think i have a phat ass
DAVE: id have to disagree pretty sure im basically a stick
DAVE: you on the other hand were sculpted by the gods best gluteus maxima ive ever seen
KARKAT: EVERY SAD LITTLE PIECE OF MEAT CURSED TO WALK THE EARTH IS ENTITLED TO ACT STUPID SOMETIMES BUT YOU SEEM TO ABUSE THE PRIVELIGE
DAVE: youre so mean to me this is homophobic i thought you loved me